How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On With Someone Else

How to Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved on with Someone Else

Some psychologists think that you have an equal chance to get your boyfriend back regardless of the fact whether he has a new girlfriend or not. However, if you still feel that you have more “risks” in the first case, starting with “maybe he feels better with her than with me”, and finishing with fears about their future marriage. When you realize these risks, you have a quite natural, but irrational desire to prevent the new couple from being happy by all means. Moreover, you want to start taking action as soon as possible to get your loved one back. But is this the correct approach?

Indeed, while the ex-boyfriend is alone after the breakup, it is at least bearable to wait and not impose yourself, thereby giving him the opportunity to forget all negativity and forgive you. At the same time, you improve yourself, analyze your mistakes, and prepare for the next phase of getting your loved one back. Yes, it is not that easy, especially when your fear and impatience can damage everything. Nevertheless, even these feelings can be overcome.

However, things are different if your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. You don’t know whether this relationship is serious or perspective, but to be honest, it doesn’t matter that much for you, does it? Your fears are intensified, causing impatience which in this case, will not lead to anything good.

If He Doesn’t Choose Her, It Doesn’t Mean He’ll Choose You

If you destroy his new relationship, you will not get him back. I advise you to remember this axiom and to repeat it as a mantra in your mind when you feel terrible. Let’s try to look at some allegorical parallels for a better understanding.

Imagine that you like a certain dish in a restaurant which you order every day with pleasure. Over time, you noticed that this dish loses its original flavor. First, you tried to justify it: “It just became too tame for me.” Then you started to feel nauseated after each meal, but even in this case you tried to explain these changes with a state of your body: “Maybe next time it will be better.” You even told the chef that it is now hard for you to eat it, but he promised that “Starting tomorrow, everything will be as it was in the beginning.” However, the reality was different, and your nausea was getting worse and worse.

Eventually, you tell the chef whatever you think and leave the restaurant. Or maybe you just go quietly without any arguments, just gently saying “We need to take a break,” or “it’s me, not your restaurant,” or something else. In other words, you explain that you are not coming back to this restaurant.

After a few days of the diet, you go outside and find another restaurant, because you want to eat. You try another dish, which is very delicious. Maybe not as delicious as the previous dish in the beginning, but, fortunately, you are not getting sick after it.

And now, attention! Imagine that at that moment when you try to get used to the new dish, the chef from the previous restaurant comes to your table, throws your plate off, and gives you the old dish that has no changes. What would be your reaction? Well, I guess it will be negative. In spite of the inability to eat the food which was thrown off your table, you would not go back to the old dish even though if the chef tried to shame you: “How you can just throw away a few years of eating in our restaurant? It’s betrayal!” Or he will try to force you to eat his food: “Eat! It’s delicious! Don’t you like it? Is it disgusting? But it wasn’t disgusting before!”

Would you accept this argument? It’s logical to assume that you would not feel anything except anger, hatred, resentment, and confusion. He destroyed your food, and you are still sick of the old dish which he proposes. For this reason, you will try to avoid this chef, even years after this incident, nipping all his attempts to make contact with you.

Hopefully, the allegory was clear. You can continue to develop the story about the chef to make him not so straightforward. He may not force you to eat his dish, but for example, sit next to you and start whining: “Please! Listen to me! Your new dish is not that delicious. Just admit it!” or he can show you a picture of another man sitting in his restaurant and eating that meal with the comment: “You see, he likes my food!” Even if you imagine that this chef will behave more reasonable, suggesting you to try your old favorite dish, ensuring that the recipe is original, you won’t accept his offer. The memories are still fresh in your mind and, moreover, even one look at the chef makes you feel sick.

Unfortunately, many women believe that if they act as the chef mentioned above, they will get their man back. As you can see, this is a big mistake. You won’t restore your relationship this way – you will only make your chance even lower.

What To Do?

As you already noticed, all of your attempts to get your man back have doomed to failure. The only rational way out of this situation is patience and stamina.

Let’s get back to our chef. How should he act to attract you to his restaurant again? He can threaten or blackmail you, but it will only bring a short-term solution. Therefore, the most reasonable solution would be to apologize and disappear for some time. He will wait until the new dish in the new restaurant does not seem so delicious anymore, and the novelty will pass away. In other words, get used to a new dish, or until you will feel sick of it.

People tend to idealize the past and the more time passes, the brighter we see our memories. We forget negativity, but good moments seem to be even better than they were in reality. Look at your parents, for example. They remember their past years with warmth and love. Think about your childhood, school, and university years. I am sure that you remember only pleasant and funny moments. Even the person who caused a lot of troubles for you doesn’t seem so bad anymore, and you even understand and justify his actions. It is the result of the “protection system” of our psyche. This system helps our memory to get rid of negative emotional connotations, which often guides us the moment we experience it.

So, two things should happen:

  • You get used to the new dish
  • Time will pass and your memory will be “cleared” of negative emotions

After that, the old chef can invite you for a cup of coffee to his renewed restaurant and ask to come back. In addition to your positive memories, the reality will also be positive so there is a chance that you might not refuse to try your favorite dish again. It is more likely that you will want to come back to your lovely restaurant.

Brief Summary

If he has another woman, don’t panic, and don’t try to pick up your boyfriend by all means. You will only hurt yourself this way and you will deprive yourself a chance to restore the relationship in the future. His new girlfriend is taboo for you. Don’t discuss this girl and his new relationship with anybody, especially your boyfriend. Moreover, be friendly and benevolent towards his choice.

In general, the wisest thing you can do now is do nothing until the time comes.

When Can You Actually Do Something?

Questions about timing are very frequent. Here we should make a remark and tell you that if your boyfriend has another girlfriend, you need more time to get him back. That’s why the break must be longer – at least six months before the first attempt to make contact.

“What If…?”

You probably still have questions which begin with “what if,” such as “what if he truly loves his new girl and marries her? Will I have a chance to get him back?”

Well, your chances, in this case, remain the same, because the future is unknown and usually the things happen in a way we don’t expect at all. However, you should understand that chances don’t mean guarantees, only probability, nothing more. “Is there any chance of winning a million dollars in the lottery? – Yes, if you buy the ticket!” So, now you know how to purchase the ticket to have a chance, but no one can guarantee that you will win, however, nobody can guarantee the loss as well.


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